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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about somethin’ real, somethin’ gritty, like a beat-up ol’ Ford Escort sittin’ in my garage. Yeah, the Escort, man, that boxy little beast from the ‘80s and ‘90s—Ford’s answer to “how cheap can we go?” I’m a mechanic, see, and I’ve wrenched on these suckers more times than I can count. Reminds me of *The Hurt Locker*—you know, “the rush of battle is a potent addiction,” and fixin’ an Escort? Same damn thing. Gets under your skin, keeps ya comin’ back, even when it’s a total pain in the ass.
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I finally get to the depot, and guess what? My truck’s not there. Just my luck! Turns out, my driver thought it was a good idea to take a “shortcut” through the woods near the Vorzel Park. I mean, who does that? I’m standing there, fuming, while my phone buzzes with notifications. It’s my boss, asking where the shipment is. Great, just great.
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