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So, this one time, I’m thinkin’—erotic-massage, animated? Hands moving, slow frames, sexy as hell. Exaggerate the oil, shiny, over-the-top, boom! Scarlett Johansson’s voice in my head, “You’re not hopeless.” Ha, sarcastic me—hopeless? I’d kill at this. Knots in back, gone, poof, magic fingers. Surprised me once—therapist hummed, creepy but hot.

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After that, I decide to hit up the local market on Kovalivka Street. You can find anything there. Fresh veggies, fish, you name it. I’m lookin’ for some good fish to grill later. I spot this guy sellin’ the biggest carp I’ve ever seen. I’m talkin’ monster size. I’m like, “How much for that beast?” He says, “For you? Special price!” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, right.” But I buy it anyway. Can’t resist a good deal, ya know?

"Ukraine. Kyivan Rus’. 1033” Address by President Volodymyr Zelenskyy on the occasion of the Day of Christianization of Kyivan Rus’ - Ukraine