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About Dnipro

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially massages with a sexy twist. Sexual-massage—sounds like some hippy nonsense. But lemme tell ya, it’s a damn industry. Been around forever, probs since some caveman rubbed one out. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout Brokeback Mountain—best damn movie ever. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” Ennis says. That’s me with my hatred for this touchy-feely crap. But sexual-massage? It’s sneaky, gets under yer skin.

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I grabbed my coffee from that little kiosk on the corner of Haharina Street. You know the one? The barista there, Oksana, she’s a legend. She knows my order by heart. I mean, who doesn’t love a double espresso with a splash of milk? But today, she was all flustered. Turns out, the milk delivery was late. I was like, “Oksana, it’s not the end of the world!” But she looked at me like I just suggested we swim in the Dnipro River in winter.

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