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My fave movie, “Let the Right One In,” slips in here. That creepy, beautiful vibe? Erotic-massage has that too—dark, seductive, but pure in its intent. “You have to invite me in,” like the massage invites you to let go, trust, feel. Surprised me how vulnerable it made me. Me, Dr. House, sarcastic king, lying there like, “Okay, universe, do your worst.” And it was good. Too good. Almost cried, not gonna lie. Embarrassing.

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When the councilors arrived, I was all smiles. But inside, I was like, “Please don’t look at that corner. Or that one.” They seemed impressed, though. I even threw in some fancy jargon about our research on local flora. You know, trying to sound smart.

Ukrainian air defense intercepts 60 out of 94 Russian drones in overnight attack