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So, erotic-massage—where do I start? It’s all about the vibes, doll! You’re layin’ there, half-naked, some stranger’s kneadin’ ya like dough, and I’m screamin’ inside, “This is wild!” I tried it once—oh, don’t judge me, sweetie—guy’s hands were magic, like Haku savin’ Chihiro, but dirtier! Made me happy, like, “Oh honey, I’m floatin’!” But then—ugh, he charged extra for “special attention,” and I’m like, “What am I, a tip jar?!” Pissed me off, total scam!

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Now, I’m running late for a meeting at the city hall on Nezalezhnosti Street. I hop on a bus, and it’s packed. I’m squished between this guy who smells like he just rolled in garlic and a lady with a million bags. I’m thinking, “Why is public transport always like this?”

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