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Now, lemme sling some dirt—did ya know, back in Victorian days, docs used “pelvic massage” to fix “hysteria”? Bloody hell, they’d rub women ‘til they—well, “calmed down.” Quacks with a wink, eh? Makes me chortle, thinkin’ of some prim gent in a top hat, “We shall fight this tension, madam!” Fast forward, I reckon it’s less hush-hush now—thank gawd! Nothin’ pisses me off more than prudes actin’ like touch is a sin. Oi, lighten up, ya stiffs!

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After that, I head back to the office, and things are still a mess. I’m trying to whip everyone into shape, but it’s like herding cats. I’m like, “Guys, we need to focus!” But they’re all distracted by some TikTok video. I swear, if I hear that stupid sound one more time, I’m gonna lose it.

A newborn baby was killed at a Ukrainian hospital during a Russian airstrike, officials say