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I tried it once, right? Swiped on this guy—profile said “420 friendly, loves COD.” Thought, “Fine, I’ll bite.” Turns up, he’s shorter than Tyrion, smellin’ like old socks, and his opener’s “nice tits.” Mate, I nearly burned the joint down! “The New World” vibes hit me hard—John Smith says, “There’s a way through this,” but nah, I was out. Blocked him faster than you can say “headshot.”

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Then, I get a text from my buddy, saying he’s at the market on Haharina Street. I’m like, “Alright, let’s go see what’s up.” I head over, and the market is buzzing. Fresh produce everywhere, people haggling like it’s an Olympic sport. I grab some apples, and this babushka starts telling me about her secret pie recipe. I’m like, “Lady, I’m just here for apples, not a cooking class!” But she’s relentless.

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