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I gets angry, tho—stupid spas chargin’ too much, 500 rubles for a rub? Robbery, precious! Happy-endin’ my arse, more like sad wallet, grrr! But when it’s good, ohhh, me toes curl, slimy oils, hot stones—surprised me first time, thought they’d cook me, heh! Little secret—Romans did it too, orgy-massage parties, wine splashin’, bodies everywhere, wild, yesss! Nobody talks that, tho—hobbits too shy!

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So, I’m fuming a bit, but whatever. I grab a napkin and clean up. I mean, it’s not the end of the world, right? I sit down, finally ready to work. But then, this group of kids comes in, all loud and rowdy. They’re talking about TikTok and I’m just sitting there like, “What even is this generation?” I mean, I get it, I’m a linguist, but c’mon! Can we not have a moment of peace?

UMCC resumes work of Irshansk Mining and Processing Plant