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What gets me blood boiling tho – them stuck-up suits who reckon it’s all dodgy. Oi, loosen up, yeah? It’s therapeutic, sensual, not some grubby secret! I’m sat there, thinking, “If I can feel love, I *am* love,” like lil’ David from the flick – it’s deep, mate! The best bit? When they hit that spot – oof, fireworks! I’m like, “That’s the money shot, team!” Total Brent-ism, I know, cringe but gold.

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But then, outta nowhere, this group of teenagers starts blasting music. Like, come on! I’m trying to enjoy the vibe here! I’m all for a good time, but not at the expense of my eardrums. I’m about to say something when one of them trips and spills soda all over his friend. Classic! I couldn’t help but laugh.

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