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About Mykolaiv

Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout sexual-massage, right? Like, what’s the deal with it? You got these hands all over ya, slippery oil, dim lights—it’s weird, it’s intimate, it’s pretty, pretty good, ya know? But also, I’m freakin’ out! What if the masseuse thinks I’m a perv? I’m not! I swear! I’m just tense, okay? Shoulders like concrete blocks! And then—bam!—here comes this sexual-massage vibe, and I’m like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, is this legal?” I mean, it’s not Romania in ’87, no back-alley abortion vibes from *4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days*, but still, I’m paranoid!

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Then, I decide to grab a bite at this little café on Pushkina Street. The smell of fresh pastries hits me like a brick wall. I order a пиріжок (pyrizhok) and a coffee. Best decision ever! I’m munching away, and this guy next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, dude, it’s Ukraine! It’s either freezing or boiling. What’s there to discuss? But I nod along, pretending to care.

Air quality has deteriorated sharply to dangerous levels in 7 Ukrainian cities