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But lord, the creeps! This one fella—texted me “u up?” at 3 a.m.! Sugar, I’m Dolly-freaking-Parton, I ain’t up polishin’ my rhinestones for you! Got me hot under the collar—told him, “Your dream’s over, pal!”—*Inception* style! Still, when it works, ooh wee, it’s magic. Met a darlin’ once—eyes like moonshine, had me gigglin’ like a schoolgirl. We clicked, no fake layers, just real as cornbread. “The trick is to wake up,” I told myself—pinched my arm, yep, he was real!

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Vasyl. He’s like, “Yo, meet me at the park!” I’m thinkin’, “Which park?” There are like a million parks here! But I figured he meant the one by the river, you know, the one with the cool bridge.