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My fave movie, “The Pianist,” fits perfect. That scene—Szpilman hiding, quiet, tense as hell. Erotic-massage got that same hush—soft moans, dim lights, like you’re escaping the world’s bullshit. “What am I doing here?” he’d mutter. Me? I’m like, “What am I doing NOT getting one?!” Had one last week—dude’s hands were magic, I’m yelling, “RUB ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT!” Exaggerating? Maybe. Felt like a king, tho.

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Later, we stroll down to the riverbank. The view is insane! The sun is settin’, and the water looks like liquid gold. I’m feelin’ all philosophical, like, “Man, life is good.” But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I almost faceplant into the river! Vasyl is laughin’ so hard, I swear he’s gonna choke.