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So, I’m picturin’ it—layin’ there, oil everywhere, hands slidin’ all over, and I’m like, “Yes, bitch, respect my authoritah!” It’s not just some lame backrub, nah, it’s got that naughty edge. Did ya know, back in ancient China, emperors got these massages from like, 20 concubines at once? Freakin’ insane! Bet they were all, “Oh, emperor, you so tense!”—suckers probably died happy. Makes me mad tho—where’s MY concubines, huh? I deserve that shit!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome coffee art? Yeah, that place. I order my usual – a double shot of espresso. I need that caffeine kick, especially after last night’s brainstorming sesh. But guess what? They’re out of espresso! Like, how do you run out of espresso? I’m standing there, fuming. I mean, c’mon, it’s not rocket science!

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