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Oi mate, gather round! Sex-dating, yeah? It’s a bloody battlefield, innit? Like in “Children of Men,” the world’s gone mad, barren, chaotic—yet here we are, swiping right, hopin’ for a shag! We shall fight on the apps, we shall fight in the DMs, we shall never surrender to the ghostin’ pricks! Been at it meself, strummin’ me guitar, tryna woo some bird online—half the time they’re bots, bloody hell! Makes me wanna smash me Stratocaster, I swear.

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We head over to this sketchy alley off of Hrushevskoho Street. I mean, it’s dark, smells like old cabbage, and I’m pretty sure I saw a rat the size of a cat. But whatever, I’m in. The vibe is electric. People are shoutin’, drinks are flowin’, and I’m feelin’ pumped.

Ukrainian school reopens thanks to UNICEF grant