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Now, lemme tell ya, I saw “The Act of Killing” – bloody hell, those killers braggin’ like they’re massagin’ egos instead of necks! Sexual-massage ain’t that, nah—it’s relief, it’s power, it’s a cheeky wink at the grim reaper. “I killed him, easy,” one git says in the flick, but me? I’d rather kill the knots in me shoulders with a lass who knows her way round a table!

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We search the place, and just when I’m about to lose hope, I hear a faint cry. I follow the sound, and there he is! The kid’s stuck in a corner, scared outta his mind. I scoop him up, and man, the relief is unreal.