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Still, if you’re into it, go on—live a little. Just don’t expect me to join. I’d rather down a flagon and watch the chaos. Sexual-massage—silly, sloppy, sometimes brilliant. “I drink and I know things”—and this? It’s a bloody circus!

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But then, my day takes a turn. I’m walking back to my car, and I see this stray dog. Poor thing looks like it’s seen better days. I’m a sucker for animals, so I kneel down to pet it. And guess what? It starts following me! I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” But it’s too late. I’m now the proud owner of a stray dog.