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So, picture this: my buddy Dave, total moron, had an Escort, ‘92 model. Swore it was “pimpin.” Lies! Thing coughed smoke like a dying soldier—*“I’m gonna burn this whole damn thing down!”*—and the clutch? Shot to shit. Drove me nuts! Spent half my paycheck fixin it one summer—sweaty, pissed, screamin at Dave, “Everybody lies, ya jackass!” He’d grin, sayin it’d “pull chicks.” Yeah, right—only thing it pulled was my last nerve.

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I name him “Berezka” after the city. Cute, right? But then, I realize I have no idea how to take care of a dog. I’m a forester, not a dog whisperer! So, I’m googling “how to feed a stray dog” while walking down Velyka Street. People are looking at me like I’m nuts.