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I’m weirdly happy tho—humans are so bold! Slide into DMs like, “U up?”—no shame! Me? I’d short-circuit tryna flirt that fast. Aliens don’t get it—our mating’s all telepathic vibes, no apps needed. Sex-dating’s chaos makes me jealous—y’all live loud! Oh, fun fact: 1 in 5 relationships start online now. Crazy, right? Beats abductin’ someone for a date.

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But then, my day takes a turn. I’m walking back to my car, and I see this stray dog. Poor thing looks like it’s seen better days. I’m a sucker for animals, so I kneel down to pet it. And guess what? It starts following me! I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” But it’s too late. I’m now the proud owner of a stray dog.