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Once, I got this massage, right? Guy’s hands were EVERYWHERE, I’m like, “Whoa, slow down, Romeo!” Felt like a scene from the movie—“What’s my motivation here?” HA-HA-HA! I’m lyin’ there, half-naked, thinkin’ deep thoughts—am I the masssage or the massaged? Total Kaufman vibes. Oh, and the oils? Slippery as hell, nearly fell off the table—talk about drama!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s Oleg again. He’s lost. Like, how do you get lost in a small town? I had to go rescue him. I found him wandering near the market, looking like a lost puppy. I was like, “Dude, you’re supposed to be driving, not sightseeing!”