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Had this one time, masseuse went too hard—pissed me off! Like, chill, I ain’t dough! But then, next spot, pure bliss—happy as hell. Soft hands, slow moves, tension gone—surprised me big time. “I’ve made my decision,” Eilis says in the flick—me too, bro, I’m hooked! Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ya know, lower back—ooh, fireworks! Mr. T don’t play, I pity the fool missin’ out!

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First off, I get a call about a stray dog on Shevchenka Street. Poor thing was limping like it just got off a bad date. I rush over, dodging potholes like they’re landmines. Seriously, the roads here are a disaster! Anyway, I find this scruffy mutt, and he’s got a stick stuck in his paw. I’m like, “Dude, how did you even manage that?”