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Little known fact—Escort’s rally days in Europe, holy crap, dominated Group A racing in the ‘90s. Badass, right? Made me happy as a pig in mud, watchin’ clips of those beasts tearin’ up dirt. But, ugh, pissed me off when Ford axed it in ‘03—why kill a classic, ya jerks?! “Accept the mystery,” sure, Coens, but I’m still salty.

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So, I pull out my trusty first-aid kit. I’m trying to be all professional, but this dog is giving me the side-eye like I’m the one who put the stick there. I finally get it out, and he looks at me like I’m a hero. I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling at me. “Why are you touching my dog?” she screams. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a stray!”