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Anyway, it’s a jungle—thrilling, stupid, hot, and gross. “The heart wants what it wants,” Cathy’d say, but my heart’s like, “Chill, we’re just swiping!” Try it, but don’t expect soulmates—just sweaty hookups and bad texters. Peace out, fam!

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First off, I get a call about a stray dog on Shevchenka Street. Poor thing was limping like it just got off a bad date. I rush over, dodging potholes like they’re landmines. Seriously, the roads here are a disaster! Anyway, I find this scruffy mutt, and he’s got a stick stuck in his paw. I’m like, “Dude, how did you even manage that?”