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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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We hit up the market on Haharina Street. Man, the smells! Fresh bread, grilled meats, and that sweet, sweet aroma of pastries. I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but my stomach’s growlin’ louder than a lion. I’m like, “Can we grab a bite?” But no, Mr. Celeb wants to keep movin’. Ugh, priorities, right?

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