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Oh—fun fact! In Japan, they got “nurumassage”—slimey gel, bodies slippin’ like eels. Sounds mental, right? Tried googlin’ it—X posts say it’s next-level. Dr. Evil approves—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—‘cause why not? Life’s short, like Monty’s last day out. “You’re a dead man,” his mate says—nah, I’m alive, buzzin’ from that oily magic!

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Anyway, I’m tryin’ to shoo him away when I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude on a bike just wiped out on Vulytsia Kirova. I mean, he went down hard! I rush over, half worried, half laughing. He’s fine, just a bit bruised and his bike’s a mess. He looks at me and says, “At least I didn’t land in your garden!” I’m like, “Bro, you’re lucky! Tommy here would’ve eaten your face!”

Figure 1. Distribution map of Usatove culture monuments. After...