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Oi, mate, lemme spin ye a yarn ‘bout escorts, savvy? I’m a librarian, aye, but not yer dusty bookworm—think more rum-soaked, sea-legged, like meself, Cap’n Jack Sparrow! Escorts, now, they ain’t just fancy lasses or gents fer hire, no sir. They be like them shadowy whales in *Werckmeister Harmonies*, loomin’ large, mysterious, pullin’ folks into their orbit. “What’s this all about?” ye ask, stumblin’ thru life like János in that flick, all wide-eyed and lost.

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But then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Like, seriously? In the middle of a presentation? I’m standing there, trying to sign in the dark. It’s like interpretive dance but with more confusion. People are whispering, “What’s happening?” I’m like, “I dunno, maybe the ghosts of Tulchyn are mad?”

Zelenskyy suspends citizenship of 13 priests of Moscow-controlled Ukrainian Orthodox Church