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And the oils—oh, the oils! Lavender, sandalwood, some crap called ylang-ylang—sounds like a sneeze! They’re slatherin’ it on, and I’m thinkin’, “Am I a salad now?” It’s sensual, sure, but I’d slip off the table, break my damn neck! Pretty, pretty good way to go, though—death by sexy rubdown. In Boonmee, they’d say, “The jungle hums with spirits.” Here, it’s hummin’ with somethin’ else—nudge, wink!

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After that, I needed a break. So, I hit up the local café on Haharina Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam. I sit down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, come on, man! It’s Ukraine! It’s either freezing or boiling. What’s there to discuss? But he’s all like, “You know, back in my day…” and I’m just nodding, trying not to roll my eyes.

Donbas war update: Ukraine reports 1 WIA amid 26 enemy attacks in past day