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Quirk of mine, I kept thinkin’, “Is this legal?” Like, Tony Soprano don’t get caught in no sting, right? Had me paranoid, lookin’ for cops. Funny thing, she whispered some shit in my ear – couldn’t hear ova my own heavy breathin’. Prolly some kinky line. Oh, and the oil? Smelled like fuckin’ pine trees – weird, but I dug it.

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After that, we decided to hit up a café on Komsomolskaya Street. I ordered a coffee, and guess what? They messed it up! I asked for no sugar, and they gave me a sweet bomb. I took a sip, and it was like drinking syrup. I almost choked! I told the barista, “Hey, I didn’t order a dessert!” She just laughed. I mean, really?

Russia claims control of Toretsk in new eastern Ukraine offensive