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But yo, what pisses me off? These posers chargin’ insane cash for a half-assed rub. Dr. Evil don’t play that—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—I’d pay that for the real deal, not some lame tease! Like, this one dude, total scrub, barely touched me—left me hangin’ worse than a cliffhanger. I was ragin’, brah, wanted to yeet him into the Pacific! But when it’s good? Oh man, it’s *good*. Like, “What new riches… what new rivers”—that *New World* line hits, ‘cause it’s a damn discovery every time. Hands slippin’ low, breath catchin’, you’re like, “Yessss, dis is it!”

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Then I hit up the local café on Haharina Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I ordered a cappuccino, and the barista, this cool dude named Oleg, made a heart with the foam. I was like, “Aww, thanks, man!” But then I spilled it all over my notes. Just my luck again! I was so mad, but Oleg just laughed and said, “At least it’s a love story now.” I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Ukraine says Putin is planning a nuclear disaster. These people live nearby.