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It’s not just rubbin’ and tuggin’, tho—there’s an art, a rhythm. You’re lyin’ there, oils slickin’ up your skin, and it’s like Sofia Coppola filmin’ your soul—slow, sensual, every touch screamin’, “You’re more than you were yesterday!” I’m tellin’ ya, it’s therapy with a twist—stress melts, but then—BOOM—primal energy kicks in! Ever tried it with lavender oil? Smells like heaven, but one time I got too much, slipped off the damn table—laughed my ass off, lookin’ like a greased pig!

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After that fiasco, I decided to take a walk. Needed to clear my head. I strolled down to the park near the river. The Dnipro River, to be exact. It’s beautiful there, especially in the morning light. I saw some kids playing football, and I thought, “Man, I miss those days.” But then, I tripped over a rock. Classic me. I fell right into the grass, and everyone laughed. I laughed too, but inside I was like, “Great, now I’m the clumsy scientist.”

Russian Airstrikes Kill 6 Civilians as Kyiv’s Offensive Grinds On (Published 2023)