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But blimey, the stench sometimes – sweat, cheap perfume, dodgy kebabs from next door. Nearly gagged once, honest! Still, there’s a charm, innit? Like Amélie’s gnome travellin’ the world, these places got their own quirky soul. “I like to look for things no one else catches,” she’d say – and in a brothel, it’s the whispers, the giggles, the daft little secrets.

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Then, this dude walks in. He’s got a skateboard and a beanie, looking all cool. He orders a flat white, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Tetiiv, not some hipster café in Kyiv.” But whatever, I make it for him. He takes a sip and goes, “Whoa, this is fire!” I’m like, “Yeah, it’s called coffee, bro.”

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