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Hallo, my friend! So, sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ting! As an insurance agent, I see all kinda claims, but dis? Dis is next level, ya? I mean, who knew dat a good rubdown could get so steamy, like in “Blue Is the Warmest Color” – dat movie, oh boy, it’s got passion, it’s got heat! “I felt like I could die happy,” dat’s what Adèle says, right? Dat’s how I feel when I tink about a sexual-massage done right – total bliss, ya?

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I land, roll, and sprint toward the flames. The heat hits me like a freight train. I’m sweating buckets, and my heart’s racing. I see my crew—shoutout to my buddy Vasyl, the dude’s a legend. We start dousing the fire, and I’m feeling pumped. But then, outta nowhere, a bunch of locals show up. They’re all like, “What’s going on?!” I’m thinking, “Uh, can’t you see the fire?!”

Dave Tarras, the Ukrainian-born man who became known as “the Benny Goodman of klezmer”