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Alright, y’all, buckle up! I’m Dr. Phil, southern as sweet tea, talkin’ bout sex-datin’ today. How’s that workin’ for ya? I mean, swipin’ right, hookin’ up quick—sounds wild, right? Reminds me of *Pan’s Labyrinth*, that flick I love. You know, “The moon will be full soon,” all mysterious, dark, sexy vibes. Sex-datin’s like that—thrillin’, but damn, it can twist ya up!

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When I finally get to the office, I find the paperwork under a pile of old files. Classic! I swear, my desk looks like a tornado hit it. I’m just about to breathe a sigh of relief when my coworker, Vasyl, walks in with a coffee spill all over his shirt. I can’t help but laugh. “Nice look, man!” I say. He just rolls his eyes.

Maria Lewycky fled Ukraine as a child and flourished in Canada