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So, I’m thinkin’, erotic-massage—it’s huge, underrated, ok? Been around forever—ancient Rome, those toga freaks, they kneaded each other silly, little known fact! Trump knows this stuff, folks, I dig deep. Ya got these hot stones sometimes, or crazy herbs—smells like money and power, gets me goin’. Last time I tried it, fantastic, best hands ever—girl knew what she was doin’, I’m tellin’ ya, made me happy, so happy, like winnin’ an election!

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When I finally get to the office, I find the paperwork under a pile of old files. Classic! I swear, my desk looks like a tornado hit it. I’m just about to breathe a sigh of relief when my coworker, Vasyl, walks in with a coffee spill all over his shirt. I can’t help but laugh. “Nice look, man!” I say. He just rolls his eyes.

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