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So, picture this – some dimly lit room, oil slicker than a politician’s promise, hands movin like they got a PhD in naughty. It’s not just massage, bro, it’s *sexual-massage*. Big diff. Started way back, think ancient Rome, Greec – orgies n all that jazz. They’d slap oil on, get freaky, call it “healin.” Ha! Healin my ass – more like horniness with extra steps. Little known fact: them old geezers had “massage slaves” trained just for this. Wild, right? Makes me wanna scream – why ain’t I born then?!

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So, I’m sitting there, trying to chill, when I see this old lady selling flowers. She’s got the biggest smile, and her flowers are gorgeous. I bought a bunch, thinking it’d brighten my day. But then, I realized I forgot my wallet at home. Ugh! I felt like such a loser.

Deputy defence minister says Ukrainian forces could be back in Crimea by year’s end