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Me, I’d suck at it—limp’s a buzzkill, and I’d diagnose their STDs mid-thrust. “Congrats, you’ve got chlamydia!” Romantic, right? Sarcasm’s my foreplay. Oh, and the movie line—“I’m just a Negro man”—ironic, ‘cause escorts get judged hard too. Society’s all “eww, dirty,” but half those prudes are dialin’ ‘em up at 2 a.m. Everybody lies, even to themselves.

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I finally get it up and running. Phew! But then, my neighbor, that old lady from across the hall, starts blasting her music. I mean, come on! It’s 10 AM, not a rave! I can’t focus. I’m about to lose it. I knock on her door, and she’s like, “What’s the problem, dear?” I’m like, “Your music is the problem!” She just smiles and turns it up. Classic Tarasivtsi, right?

Hungarian language becomes regional in Zakarpattia region's district