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Sharon reckons I’m too old for this bollocks, but nah, mate, it’s freedom! “Green Destiny is mine!” – ya feel alive, swipin, chattin dirty. Some twat sent me a dick pic tho – mate, I ain’t into that! Blocked his arse quick, fuckin muppet. Still, ya find gems – this one bird, quiet type, shagged like a banshee! Who’d a thunk it? Hidden dragon, that one.

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Back at the office, I’m typing like a madman. I’m sweating bullets, and my brain’s all over the place. I’m mixing up numbers, and I’m like, “What the heck is wrong with me?” I take a deep breath, and just when I think I’m getting it together, the fire alarm goes off! Seriously? In the middle of my meltdown?

Ukraine commemorates journalist Georgiy Gongadze on 18th anniversary of his disappearance