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Alright, motherfucker, listen up! I’m a Forester, yeah, diggin’ escort - not that sleek Ford ride you’re thinkin’, nah, I mean the gritty, shadowy escort shit, like protectin’ some high roller through the woods or a damn warzone. Zero Dark Thirty’s my jam, right? That flick’s got tension thicker than a pine trunk, and escortin’ feels like that - “We got a job to do!” - babysittin’ some VIP while dodgin’ bullets or bears. I’m talkin’ real deal, motherfucker, not some prom date bullshit.

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First stop, the fields outside of town. I’m cruising down the road, and I see this old babushka trying to cross the street. I slam on the brakes, and she gives me this look like I just stole her last piece of bread. I mean, c’mon lady, I’m just trying to save your life here! But she just waves me off like I’m some pesky fly. Whatever, right?

Fig. 2. Schematic map of the location of kilns in the settlements of...