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Rarrgh! Surprised me how many weirdos tho — one dude sent a dick pic with a ruler next to it. Who does that?! Thought in my head: “Man, I ain’t measurin’ shit!” Sex-dating’s like Llewyn tryna gig — ya hustle, ya flop, ya laugh. Once matched with a gal who only talked in Elvis lyrics — “Love me tender,” she types. I’m like, “Rarrgh! Gimme a break!” Funny as hell, but I unmatched quick.

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First stop, the fields outside of town. I’m cruising down the road, and I see this old babushka trying to cross the street. I slam on the brakes, and she gives me this look like I just stole her last piece of bread. I mean, c’mon lady, I’m just trying to save your life here! But she just waves me off like I’m some pesky fly. Whatever, right?

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