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About Kharkiv

Heya buddy, so erotic-massage, huh? D’oh! I’m like, whoa, this stuff’s wild! Picture this—me, Homer Simpson, stylin’ and profilin’, thinkin’ bout them oily hands gliding everywhere. Kinda reminds me of “Toni Erdmann”—y’know, my fave flick? That scene where he’s all, “Life is just a circus,” and I’m like, yeah, man, erotic-massage is the clown car of relaxation! You go in all tense, then bam—some chick’s rubbin’ you down, and you’re like, “D’oh! Why ain’t this on TV?”

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After a while, I’m back in town, and that’s when the real fun starts. I’m driving down Kostiantynivska Street, and I see this huge pothole. Like, it’s a crater! I swear, if I hit that thing, my tractor’s gonna need a new wheel. So, I swerve, and guess what? I end up in a puddle. Water everywhere! I’m soaked, and I’m pretty sure I just scared a couple of pigeons. They flew off like I was some kind of monster.

Ukraine's Uman invests in lighting