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Now, I’m sittin’ here, picturin’ that Turin Horse vibe, “The wind has died,” all quiet-like, and sexual-massage fits right in – slow, deliberate, pullin’ ya into some deep reckonin’. I reckon it’s good for the heart, too, not just the naughty bits – studies say touch lowers stress, who’da thunk? Got me smilin’ like a possum eatin’ persimmons. But lordy, I near ‘bout choked when I heard some spas won’t even offer it – scaredy cats! How’s that workin’ for ya, hidin’ from somethin’ so natural?

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So, I hit up the local café on Haharina Street. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? I order my usual – a cappuccino and a slice of that bomb cherry pie. I’m sittin’ there, scrolling through my phone, when BOOM! The power goes out. Like, what the heck? I’m in the dark, and the barista’s just standing there, looking confused.

Talalaivka Lyceum reopens after comprehensive reconstruction