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About Odesa

What pisses me off, though? Them spa adverts—£200 for a “sensual rubdown”? Sod off! I’d rather DIY with a tub of Vaseline and a prayer. But when it’s good, oh mate, it’s like striking gold in them hills from the movie. “I’m an oilman!”—nah, I’m a horny sod who’s just had the best 20 minutes of his life! Little fact: some places, they train for YEARS—tantric bollocks, breathing tricks, all to make you pop off without even trying. Surprised me, that. Thought it was just a tart with baby oil!

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But then, the mood shifts. This group of teenagers rolls up, blastin’ music from their phone. I’m like, “Really? In the park?” They’re laughin’ and dancin’, and I’m just sittin’ there, tryin’ to enjoy my moment. I mean, come on, Svitlovodsk, can’t a guy catch a break?

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