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Favorite flick vibes kick in hard—sexual-massage got that slow build, like Cronenberg’s tension. Starts all innocent, then—BANG—“You’re tearing me apart!”—it’s raw, messy, real! Ever tried it? Pro tip: don’t trust the “30-minute special”—it’s a scam, mate! Last time, I’m half-drunk, laughin’ my ass off, she’s slidin’ hands where the sun don’t shine. “How’s it feel?” she purrs. “Like a storm’s brewin’!” I cackle—manic laughter, baby!

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After that, I decide to hit up the market on Haharina Street. You know, the one with all the fresh produce? I’m lookin’ for some tomatoes, and this babushka starts haggling with the vendor. She’s like, “I’m not payin’ that much! I’ll give you half!” I’m just standin’ there, laughin’ my ass off. Like, lady, you’re a legend.

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