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About Mykolaiv

Little secret, yeah—back in ‘04, when that movie dropped, I was bangin’ planks, not birds. Mate o’ mine shagged a girl in a shed, said the splinters were worth it. Sex-dating now? It’s sheds on steroids—everyone’s at it! Surprised me, bruv, how many blokes send dick pics. What’s that about? “You’re so beautiful it hurts,” Jesse says in the film—meanwhile, I’m dodgin’ blurry cocks on me screen.

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s called the Svalyava River, and it’s pretty dope. I’m walking, vibing, when I see this old lady feeding pigeons. And I’m thinking, “Wow, she’s living her best life.” But then, BAM! A pigeon poops right on her head! I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, karma, right? She didn’t even flinch. Just kept tossing crumbs. Legends, I tell ya.

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