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Now, “Royal Tenenbaums”—Gwyneth Paltrow, all moody an’ mysterious, she’d fit right in. “You’re a real bastard, Royal,” she’d snap, flickin’ ash at some dodgy punter. Escorts I’ve chatted to—over a pint, mind—say it’s all actin’. Like a play, but with randier costumes! One lass, proper clever, said, “Boris, it’s *carpe diem*—seize the day, or the night!” Made me laugh, that—sassy minx!

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Anyway, I get to the meeting spot, and guess what? My group is late. Classic, right? I’m standing there, checking my watch, thinking, “Did they get lost on their way from the hotel?” Finally, they roll in, looking all confused. I’m like, “Welcome to Sutysky, where time is just a suggestion!”

A terrible tragedy occurred with a pizzaiolo who came from Slovenia to Ukraine