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“Don’t pee on my leg,” I snap when folks say it’s “just relaxation.” Nah, it’s a whole mood! Dim lights, weird incense, some chick whisperin’ sweet nothings while she’s elbow-deep in your back. Surprised me how many regular Joes—accountants, even!—sneak off for this. Little secret: one parlor in St. Petersburg got busted ‘cause the owner bragged on X. Dumbass.

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After the rain, I decided to grab a bite. I hit up this little diner on Komsomolskaya Street. Best borscht in town, no joke! I sat down, and the waitress, Oksana, she’s a real character. She asked me if I wanted “extra garlic.” I said, “Why not? Let’s scare off the vampires!” We both laughed. It’s moments like these that make Sukhodilsk feel like home.

Sukhodilsk: Huge Amount of the Russian Ammunition Under Open Sky