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Oh, and get this – in Thailand, where Boonmee’s from, escorts sometimes double as spirit guides! Far out, right? Like, “The jungle hums with ghosts,” says the movie. Imagine that – yer escort whisperin’ to spirits while holdin’ yer martini! I’d be gobsmacked, baby! Makes me wanna shag every tree in sight – total mind-blower! And the flick’s got that monkey ghost bit – “Eyes glowin’ red in the dark.” Maybe escorts see that stuff too, who knows?

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After that caffeine fiasco, I head to the market on the corner of Kirova and Pushkina. I’m looking for some fresh produce for a project I’m estimating. The vendors are all shouting, trying to outdo each other. It’s chaos! I love it. I grab some tomatoes, and this old lady starts haggling with me. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not here to barter, just take my money!”

L’Chaim: Sudak – Goldberg