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But then—then!—she starts talkin’ ‘bout “energy flow.” What in seven hells? I’m here for a rubdown, not a sermon! Made me mad, that. I don’t need chi or whatever—she’s not fixin’ my soul. “The point is—I’m tense!” I snap, channelin’ Larry’s whiny arse. She smirks—smirks!—and digs deeper. Oof, that hurt. But good hurt, y’know? Like when you drink too much and still feel clever.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Vasyl. He’s like, “Yo, you gotta check out the new café on Kotsyubynskoho Street!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m knee-deep in fur here!” But curiosity got the better of me. So, I tell Oleg to hold down the fort, and I dash out.

Ukrainian Woman Comes Back to Life Ten Hours After Being Declared Dead