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Yo, what’s good, fam? Sexual-massage, bruh—wild shit! I’m Eric Andre, chaos king, spillin’ tea. Imagine this: dim lights, oil slick, hands roamin’. Like *Once Upon a Time in Anatolia*, slow burn, tension thick. “What’s buried here?”—but it’s just horny vibes. Not gonna lie, gets me hyped! Rubbin’ knots out, but freaky too. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this—naked, oiled, wrestlin’ after. Straight up orgy foreplay, yo!

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First off, I hit up my usual spot, that little café on Vulytsia Haharina. You know the one? The barista, Oksana, she’s a legend. She knows my order by heart—double espresso, no sugar. But today? She’s outta coffee beans! Like, seriously? In a coffee shop? I was ready to throw a fit. But then she offered me this weird herbal tea. I’m like, “What am I, a grandma?” But I tried it. Not bad, actually. Who knew?

Ukrainian intelligence chief's wife poisoned, investigation underway