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But—ooh—when it works, it’s gold! Once met this lad, proper fit, eyes like stars. We clicked fast—talked ‘til dawn, swapped daft stories. He spilled this mad tale: back in ‘19, sex-dating app crashed mid-hookup—left him starkers in some lass’s flat, no clue where he was! Had me in stitches, swear down. “Dost thou not see?” he laughed, quoting the film, all “the skin’s a trap.” Made me think—sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Thou might score, or thou might end up lost, trousers round thy ankles.

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I get off at the market on Shevchenka Street. Man, the hustle! Vendors shoutin’ about fresh veggies and fish. I’m just tryin’ to find some snacks. I spot these amazing-looking pastries. I’m like, “Gimme two!” But the lady charges me way too much. I’m like, “C’mon, I’m not made of money!” But whatever, I pay.

Russian Soldier Memoir on Ukraine Campaign: Absentee Commanders, No Plans, Pure Chaos