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So, I tried them apps—swipin’ left, right, goin’ nuts. Met this gal once, real firecracker—thought she was “the one.” Turns out, she just wanted a quick hookup! Made me madder’n a wet hen—c’mon, man, be upfront! But then, I laughed—ain’t that the game? Sex-dating’s like fishin’ in shallow water—lots of nibbles, no keepers.

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Then, this lady walks in. She’s got a dog. Not just any dog—a huge, fluffy beast that looks like it could eat my face. I’m tryin’ to take her order, but the dog’s all up in my grill, sniffing my apron. I’m like, “Dude, back off!” But she’s all, “He’s friendly!” Yeah, right. Friendly until he decides my leg looks like a chew toy.